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August 04, 2008
HX Column: Not Being Fat? *Abs*olutely Necessary!
I’d never, ever say anything to insult my dear friend and competitor Chi Chi LaRue, but it would, alas, appear that Americans are losing the war against obesity. Not that I don’t sometimes like a little extra padding to hold onto, mind you. Yet it never ceases to amaze me that so many Americans, when they decide they want to lose weight, will do absolutely anything except eat and exercise sensibly. There are more fad diets around than there are Cher impersonators. Besides the superstar fad diets, Atkins and company, there exist Dr. Siegal’s Cookie Diet, the Shangri-La Diet which includes taking olive oil and sugar water between meals, Diet Divas, the F-Factor Diet, the Biggest Loser Club and Fat Loss 4 Idiots, which obviously would not work for a smart person.
I have my fears that as American chains infect Europe and the rest of the world, we will supersize humanity, with the ironic result that descendents of starving children will be hugely obese and suffer diabetes. Worse yet, the French could one day be sitting in a multiplex on the Champs-Elysées, eating gross buttered popcorn while watching even grosser American action films instead of my high-class filthy porno. Oh wait! That’s already happening. Oh well, tant pis!
The mantra for healthy living and losing extra weight is: Eat Less, Exercise More. Did I say use condoms? If you’re a bottom, you can burn more calories by riding a dick then by getting mounted, but don’t spread that info because it could lead to a wave of fat tops. Eating less is particularly important. I’ve seen lots of overweight people working out in the gym for years without any noticeable fat reduction. Just because one breaks a sweat on a treadmill does not mean that one can then pig out on BBQ ribs with heavily-buttered mashed potatoes. And no, I don’t believe it is glandular.
Health shakes can help you to achieve your fitness goals. Did I hear sniggering over the protein to use? Cum, cum now; we’re more mature than that. I recommend putting five raw egg whites in a blender along with non-fat yogurt, a mix of fresh fruits (I love blueberries) and two scoops of Pro-NOS, a high-quality protein powder. It’s delish, but do remember not to take in more calories than you’re using up. Chi Chi and I will be waiting for you on our casting couches.
Posted by Michael at August 4, 2008 06:45 PM
Comments
I can watch gay porn on a daily basis on a german pay-tv channel, non-stop 24 hrs a day! They are either Chi-chi-laRue productions, or Michael Brandon productions, or cheap bare-back productions from the Czech republic (mostly US-studios operating from Prague).In some of her movies Chi-chi-Larue herself appears in a non-sexual context. She is in fact a little corpulent but she is still very funny and a pleasure to watch. Would she be the same chi-chi-laRue if she were slimmish? I doubt it! Conclusion: there are corpulent people whose stature suits them very well!
If that damn german pay tv-channel will not bring Michael Lucas productions pretty soon,
i will terminate my suscription! Just kidding.....rom
Posted by: rom at August 5, 2008 08:00 AM
Mr. Lucas, as always, I read with great interest your column in the current edition of HX (Aug 8). I enjoy your columns less because of the subject matter and more because of your wry sense of humor.
I realize there is just so much you can put in a short column, but what bothered me about your current column is that you ignore the psychological issues that eating often is tied up with and makes it so difficult to to control eating. It is not simply a failure of will power. I wish you had at least made some reference to the fact that controlling eating can be very difficult for people because of these psychological issues and showed some sympathy for those for whom eating is a psychological mine field.
Posted by: Howard at August 6, 2008 10:58 AM
I read your column with interest, because as someone who is turning 44 next month I know the older you get the harder it is to keep weight off, especially if you have your basic cubicle job.
If I did not get a trainer and keep working out I would be fat and very unhappy....that being said, Michael I also find good looking guys with 20-30 extra pounds unbelievably hot. IMO they are much hotter than guys with abs (you are the exception of course.)Show me a hunky guy with a too-tight T-shirt on the subway and I immediately get excited.
So Michael, there have to be some former porn stars out there with extra weight on them, how about casting a few of these chunky hunky guys and market it as a bear tape. Other studios are doing it now.
Posted by: Richard at August 6, 2008 11:41 PM
I always love Michael's direct, honest assessment of issues. It's refreshing when so many people only want to be liked. I don't have a problem with weight, but I see it daily. I live in the Deep South and obesity is huge problem. No pun intended. But the other extreme is just as annoying. Too much porn focuses on perfect bodies that are only attainable through the use of "help" with steroids, growth hormones, and God knows what else. It's perfectly healthy and normal to be fit and not bulging with enhanced muscles. True, Michael's body is more natural than most, but as a rule porn sex is pure fantasy. I'd rather get down with a healthy, natural looking real man any day of the week and twice on Sunday.
Posted by: John at August 25, 2008 09:52 AM