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April 01, 2008
My Mother
My mother in our country house near Moscow in the early 1950s.
My beautiful mother has passed away in her home in Brooklyn at the age of 59, following a nearly ten year battle against cancer.
After undergoing numerous surgeries and courses of chemotherapy, she was told by doctors that the cancer had metastasized throughout her body. She decided she did not want to be under doctors’ care any longer. Whether that was the best possible decision for her to make, we respected her wishes. She was terrified to have anything more to do with doctors. She became tempted by people selling herbal remedies, whom in my dictionary are charlatans. We struggled within ourselves at times, thinking we should call an ambulance, and yet, we did maintain respect for her wishes.
My father was heroic in the care he gave to my mother. She refused to have a nurse. So for the last eight months, my father stopped working and instead cared for her twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, staying by her bedside. I don’t know which of them was suffering more, as the moral torture of seeing a loved one dying and not being able to help might be harder, but I can only wish for everybody to have a partner who loves them as much as my father loved my mother. This was an exceptional couple, and a great love.
The tragedy is especially acute for me, as my grandfather passed away, also from cancer, one year ago on December 31. And I will need to adjust to having most of my remaining family in Russia. My brother moved back to Moscow one year ago, having secured a job there, and meanwhile met a Russian girl whom he will marry. My father has decided to join them in living there, because staying in Brooklyn where he cared for my mother would be too difficult emotionally. He does have hopes for the future though, and especially, I believe, that my brother and his wife will give him grandchildren. My maternal grandmother is the only immediate relative to remain here with me.
My father has decided to have my mother interred in Russia, and will be transporting her there on Saturday. A service is to be held at a Jewish funeral home in Brooklyn this Thursday. People close to my mother, my family, my partner and me may contact Bryan Christopher in my office for details.
The pain is as great as the love was profound, but I will always remember my mother for her limitless values, culture, heart, and sense of family.
My mother with me at 6 months old.
Another of my mother with me at 6 months old.
My mother.
My father in 1972.
My family in New York in 2004.
04/16 ADDENDUM: I wrote more about my mother exclusively for Queerty here.
Posted by Michael at April 1, 2008 06:00 PM
Comments
My sincerest condolences Michael - to you and to your family. I am now 50 and lost both my parents to Alzheimer's, 3 years apart. The scars heal, you find the inner strength to carry on, but there remains a warm place in my heart for both of them for so long as I shall live.
May you ultimately find that same peace, warmth and comfort in what will be some dark days ahead.
Posted by: Warren at April 1, 2008 07:49 PM
My deepest wishes go out to you and your family. I can feel your pain as i am going thru this with my mom also.I have no father so it is just me and my mom. My brother lives close by and is trying his best. Again my thoughts are with you in this sad time.
Posted by: michael at April 1, 2008 10:08 PM
You're a beautiful guy, you make a lot of very good erotica, I disagree with many of your political views, and you have my deepest sympathy on the passing of your dear mother.
Posted by: Tom C. at April 1, 2008 11:24 PM
I'm terribly sorry to hear of the tranformation of your mother. Oprah often asks her guests "What do you know for sure?" For me I know that no matter how much we acheive in life love is still love, joy is joy and pain is pain. I also know that we are all energy and energy never dies it simply transforms.
Even though I may not agree with all of your political beliefs take comfort in knowing that you are not alone as my thoughts are with you in this very difficult time.
Posted by: Rod at April 2, 2008 02:37 AM
I'm very sorry for your loss. But I'm sure your family and friends will forever cherish the warm memories your beautiful mother shared with them.
Posted by: mercutio at April 2, 2008 04:42 AM
So sorry to hear about your loss. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.
Nick and Chad
Posted by: Nick and Chad at April 2, 2008 08:30 AM
I couldn't begin to envisage the pain you must all be feeling; mainly because you truly adored this woman and she seemed from your writings that she held a good spirit.
My condolences..
Posted by: John at April 2, 2008 01:04 PM
Your mother had a warm, welcoming smile and an easy grace.
It is no small matter to me when a friend's mother accepts me as a gay male with no questions asked and no barriers placed.
You were blessed to have this wonderful mother; may her love be an inspiration for the rest of your life.
Posted by: Scott Rose at April 2, 2008 01:57 PM
Oh, i am really sorry to hear of Mrs Treyvas' passing.I 'd like to express my sincere condolences to Michael, his father, his partner, his brothers, the entire family and to all those who knew her and loved her.
Thanx for sharing these nice pictures with all of us under these sad circumstances......ROM
Posted by: rom at April 2, 2008 03:19 PM
My condolences and my sympathy.
The death of your mother must be a great loss to you and your family.
I hope you can share thiss difficult moment with your relatives,
and close friends.
Posted by: Edwin at April 3, 2008 06:27 AM
Mne tak zhal'
Please accept my sincere condolences, Michael. My mom is 87 and I fear I will soon be walking this path too.
Posted by: Jeff at April 3, 2008 06:56 PM
Dear Michael,
It is with our deepest thoughts of sympathy that we, your friends at Metrovelvet.com, extend our sincere condolences for your mother’s passing.
We know that the loss of a loved one hurts deeply, for all of us at one time or another have or will lose someone very close to us. But, to lose a mother, the one that gave “life” to us, the one with whom we had already built a bond even before we could take our first breath, it’s one of the ultimate tests in this life. And this test has come a bit early for you, for your mother was only 59. We wish upon you the strength to deal to with this sad experience, remembering that at times, it is through our unpleasant situations that we build stamina and create a different outlook towards the future, always treasuring the memories and golden moments of happiness that our mothers leave behind.
Once again,
Our most sincere condolences,
The Metrovelvet.com Staff
Posted by: Juan Carlos Parra & Sixto Javier Arroyo at April 4, 2008 06:15 PM
My sincerest condolences Michael.
Amir, Israel
Posted by: amir at April 5, 2008 04:57 AM
Dear Michael,
My heart felt condolences and sympathy.
Posted by: Wil at April 7, 2008 11:46 PM
I'm very sorry for your loss. Many gay men have had to sacrifice their relationships with their parents in order to live their lives honestly. I didn't know her and don't know you, but you were clearly very lucky to have had a mother who was so supportive. May her memory be a blessing to you.
Posted by: Brian at April 8, 2008 11:46 PM
so sweet
Posted by: mati at April 9, 2008 11:33 AM
My sincerest condolences on the loss of your mother. I lost my mother a little over a year ago, and even after a year it is the most devistating thing that has ever happened. You are a very srong person and have great friends, and you can depend upon that at least.
Take care.
Posted by: Greg at April 11, 2008 02:14 AM
just like you, we both love our mothers. I am so sorry to hear about the passing of her, as long you can remember something about her that makes you smile, makes you laugh, makes you think, makes you proud, she'll never fade away from you. All my deepest thoughts.
-
Justin Simpson
Posted by: justin at April 11, 2008 10:12 PM
Dear Michael,
Please receive my condolence and my prayers. Be strong...
Posted by: Daniel at April 12, 2008 02:16 PM
Separations and loss are always painful experiences for those who relate to others in a mutually reciprocal manner. And this is especially the case when we are faced with the loss of one who has been the primary source of early nourishment and who has laid the very foundations for the possibility of our experiencing and maintaining loving feelings for others. The pain of such primary losses never goes away, but the mourning process can allow us to learn how to live with it, and to move on with our lives. In these times, my thoughts have gone out to you.
Posted by: disembedded at April 21, 2008 03:32 AM
Michael,
Please, receive my sincerest condolences and sympathy.
Jorge from Spain
Posted by: Jorge at June 7, 2008 07:02 AM