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March 26, 2008
HX column: Big Porn Star on Campus
I know this HX column is from a couple weeks ago (March 14th, to be exact), but I didn't have the chance to post it until now:
I was recently invited to speak at Stanford University. They thought I could help spread the Safe Sex message. Spreading that message is a hell of a lot better than spreading absolutely horrible, nightmarish things such as HIV, syphilis and gonorrhea.
What shocked me, though, was the ignorance on the part of the majority of Stanford University students regarding HIV. These supposedly intelligent students at Stanford revealed an annoying, camel-like stubbornness about understanding the ABC's of HIV transmission.
The truth is that condoms do work. I dutifully reminded people that one must always use fresh condoms with plenty of good, water-soluble lubricant. Some of these jerks were still whining at me about what would happen if a condom broke and the bottom getting joyously fucked wound up infected. With all the holes I have fucked (always using fresh condoms and good quality, water-soluble lube) I have never had a condom break. Could it be that these whining morons at Stanford are all just too stupid to check to see whether the condom they are about to use has expired? Or is it a money issue? Maybe somebody could take up a collection for them, so that when they're fucking in the back seat of their BMWs, they'll have fresh condoms to use.
These supposed scholars at Stanford argued at me using "statistics," and then weren't able to tell me the source of those statistics. When I invited them to reason, they reacted like the idiot in Mao Tse-Tung's famous saying: "If you point at the moon with a finger, the idiot looks at the finger and sees the finger. Not the moon." Mao also said, "Learn from the masses, and then teach them."
But I'm going to go one better than that. I've learned from the masses at Stanford University, and now I'm going to teach the elite, beautiful gay readers of HX that you should always, without exception, use fresh condoms and plenty of water-soluble lube. If Miss Thing has a tub of Crisco out on the night table, do not fuck her. Do not let her fuck you, either. If by some chance your condom does break, then please go to the emergency room. Remember that you have 72 hours to get a 28-day supply of medication to take religiously, and then you'll be just fine.
XXX,
Michael Lucas
Posted by Michael at March 26, 2008 04:15 PM