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February 04, 2008
HX column: The Curious Notion of Romantic Love
Here's the unedited version of my Lucas Life column in this week's issue of HX:
It’s almost Valentine’s Day (not my favorite holiday to say the least, as I hate to see so many people feeling like they fell out of the parade: sad and miserably suicidal), so let’s talk about love. I do not mean love in the sense of loving humanity, but in the way it is usually associated with Valentine’s Day. I am talking about so-called “romantic love,” the kind of love that usually sparks from what is known as “love at first sight.”
What’s love at first sight based on? Physical looks, and nothing more. Love at first sight makes the brain produce endorphins that raise your mood and release adrenaline that exaggerates your feelings and causes a chemical imbalance of the brain. This leads two people to the delusion that they are experiencing something divine, something heavenly. But how long does this kind of love last? When we choose jobs, we are always rational. We think about the responsibilities, the payroll, the benefits, and the requirements. When falling in love we use no rationality. Our brains are clouded, and we can't think straight. In fact we cannot think about anything but the object of our love. We become slaves of love.
Things get worse, as falling in love gives us insecurity, mood swings, and, in the end, obsession. Obsession that robs one the freedom to think of anything but the one he loves. Obsession that gives us insomnia and a loss of any joy in life. And God forbid something actually goes wrong with the romance, causing a slip into deep depression. I know many whose love brings them to the state of madness and even schizophrenia.
What is love? Ecstasy and despair? Heaven and hell? In my own life and by observing the lives of others, I realized that we cannot be happy in love unless we try to love sanely, and this is possible only by understanding the origins of love and choosing your partner rationally, knowing that love can only be built on mutual understanding that takes time. You have to understand the intimacy of being rather than body, otherwise as soon as the passion is gone (and sooner or later it will be) you risk waking up in bed with a stranger.
I know that what I am saying sounds unromantic, but “love sickness” is not worth it. So before falling in love, stop for a moment and think: is this person right for you? Does he share your interests? Is he anything more than a pretty face? Do all the great qualities you see in him really exist or is it all just in your imagination?
Can you handle love, and can you love sanely? Without drama, melancholy, pointless jealousy, hate, and loss of comfort, all of which will make you forget about your work, your family, your friends, and yourself? Can you be in love without getting addicted to it like a drug? So many people get so addicted that they commit suicide; love has many vitcims. There’s that great song lyric: “The French are glad to die for love.” Are you ready to?
XXX,
Michael Lucas
Posted by Michael at February 4, 2008 06:32 PM
Comments
When I met my partner 18 year's ago that's how I was. I gave up everything , I was 18. The love I have for him, I don't think there is even a word that fit's how it feels. It's beyond love.
Michael thanks for a awesome blog.
Ant
Posted by: Anthony at February 4, 2008 08:51 PM
Dear Michael...great blog as always. You are spot on regarding making an educated call on love. When I met my partner, I realized I as "falling" so I literally took a piece of paper and pen and made 2 lists being as honest as I could. I had a "pro" and a "con" list. I honestly had nothing on the con and tons on the pro. I decided then and there that he was the one for me That was 29 happy years ago. It CAN happen. Thanks for all the great videos and posts... all the best to you
Dave
Posted by: Dave at February 4, 2008 10:02 PM
Speaking of the French, one of them (Pascal) said "Le coeur a ses raisons que la raison ne connait point."
The heart has its reasons, about which reason knows nothing.
Posted by: Scott Rose at February 5, 2008 09:58 AM
Well put. :)
Posted by: JVirg at February 5, 2008 01:36 PM
Excellent comment. Really like it! Thank you Mr. Lucas ( muchas gracias!). And all my congratulations for your succes in all aspects,mainly from the Human Aspect. Un admirador!!!
Posted by: Fabian at February 5, 2008 06:25 PM
never leave the one u love for the one u like, caus the one u like will leave u for the one he loves
Posted by: ricci at February 6, 2008 03:05 PM
Michael, are YOU in love?
Posted by: Jules at February 7, 2008 02:10 AM
i just wanted to say ever since i saw ray starr on the cover of unzipped i fell in love. i have been tring to find a way to e-mail him or get some of his movies. i have found out now. if you look at the cover its not just the fact he is the most handsome guy i ever saw but if you look in his eyes there so much more there. You can tell he's down to earth and would make a great friend even though i know that could never happen. He is so fantastic, his skin, eyes and lips are so fine and yes he has a very nice cock but like i said its not all about sex. I would love to but i'd be so excited i would just self combust..haha...thanks mark a gemik
Posted by: mgee41 at February 17, 2008 06:58 AM