If gay life isn't a walk through the park, then why is the Rambles in Central Park always packed with dick-seeking homos strolling around?

I am shocked to hear you call a gym workout "pointless." Even admitting that there are some middle-aged, chubby, ex-closet cases who don't know the difference between a curl and a squat, and still less the importance of lying on one's back on a press bench with the feet hooked under the olympic bar in order to get gang banged, it is against the gay religion to use the word "pointless" in reference to a workout. Our bodies are our temples and our workouts are our prayers that the weightlifting will make our temples fit for the gods.

And maybe, just maybe, a 25-year-old woman and the other woman who gave birth to her with a closeted gay man could love him enough to support him emotionally upon learning that he simply could not live the lie any longer.

Dear Readers: I had the chance the other nite to hookup with a married man, and we talked and stuff nice guy, and He held my hand as we were talking. All I could think is once he told me he was married is that I would be part of something I would not done to me and that is Cheating. Karma can be a bitch depending on what you do, what comes around, goes around. What I want is a monogous relationship like my parents, The man I was with could see he wants to be gay and be out and had the chance but was scared even when he had the chance to be out and now he doesnt have the chance to be out because he married and he still wants sex with a guy. Whatever as long as I am not apart of it,

I see some of your points, Michael, and to an extent you are right. There comes a time when one has to accept that he has made his bed and must continue to lie in it, no pun intended.

But on the flip side, I was told of a man, an orthodox Jew, who remained closeted his entire life, married a woman and had several children. The marriage was an unhappy one and the wife could never understand why she could never make her husband happy. She was constantly fighting depression because she put the blame on herself for the consistent failure of the marriage. Their children saw marriage as a loveless prison and that helped sabotage their future relationships. He stated that he would never leave his wife, he would hold on to the pretense.

Who is better off in this scenario? I'm sure if, at 60, he came out, his family would be devastated to an extent. But maybe, just maybe, after a time they would at least understand what was behind the misery of their earlier life and not put the blame on themsevles. Maybe they would never forgive him, but he would have done something good by freeing them. And even if at 60 it was far too late for him to find real love, he could have the mental relief of not living a lie every single day. Being out is not just about getting laid, it's about facing your own personal truth. It's about living a life, however sexless, that isn't based on deception and lies.

And maybe your friend who came out in 1999 is happy just being himself. And maybe in five or ten years his ex-wife and daughter will come around. Maybe they won't, but many do.

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer, there is only making your choice and whole-heartedly accepting the consequences of those actions.

Peace.

Our boddies aren't our temples. Gay men work out for vanity reasons and to get laid. So yes, in this case, it is pointless.

This one is kind of close to home for me. I am currently dating an older man of 40+ who just came out this year to his wife and family. His case was different though, as he never strayed from his wife, however he just knew. Why do it at that point you ask? Because it was killing him.

Not all situations have the same answer for each instance. The circumstances involved can change the right and wrong of it. For the most part, a man knowing he is gay who gets married to a woman is wrong in and of itself, its a lie that will likely destroy lives. However, back then it was not as common as it is now, and staying in the closet was probably the only option.

Here is my question. How can one be true to a woman when he lies about loving men? How can you be an honest and truthful person when you are lying about the core of your being? Isn't that wrong as well?

There is no right answer that will spare anyone from geting hurt.

i am such the man that you mention in your article....like you said...common sense which is very uncommon...i built too much of a life with my wife and children to bring this all down by saying im a gay man... so i enjoy the occasional guy and of course your site which is a gift to me. its too hard to build up a life to bring it down...i was born to late so my younger brothers enjoy your true self now as its never been more welcoming.

These comments are meant actually more for my fellow commenters rather than Michael.

Life is complex.
Do the right thing for yourself (or not)and
mind your own business.
Pity someone or not but keep it to yourself.
Who really cares what you think about someone else's situation? (I don't mean this critically but literally)
Sometimes what looks like a terrible situation is as good as it gets for someone else.

And for you Michael:
This last post, although heartfelt is not as carefully edited as your usual (typos, errors in grammar)I thought I'd point that out since one suspects (LOL as they say) that you do not like
imperfection.

First...I think it's really sad when a man chooses to get married when there's even the tiniest inkling in his mind that he might gay. You might be able to quiet those voices down (upwards of 30 years apparently), but eventually they become too loud to ignore. Only then, it's not just your own life your turning upside down, but also and wife and possibly kids.

However, I don't think there is a single gay man who can say he didn't feel some sense of exhilaration and freedom when he was finally able to be honest with himself. Perhaps the older gentleman is embarking on an uphill journey a bit late, but are you saying it best for him to keep it to himself, and accept the sun as having set on the life that was to be?

How fair to the wife would it be for him to stay and just go through the motions. And suppose he does tell her? He might love her and care deeply for her, but how might it feel for her to live and sleep beside him from that day forward? Should she simply be contented? Should she also accept the life that could have been as no more than a fantasy?

More than anything...men need to step up and be men. Let the sack drop. Be honest with and true to yourselves. Quit being selfish. It might be admirable to strut your stuff in a "Finally Out" t-shirt, but at whose expense do you enjoy your new-found pride and freedom?

Let's see if i got this right, you think you found your soul mate and as the years go by you realize that you are living a lie.

In your heart you thought that getting married was right for you because you met someone that made you happy and you had a child, yet something didn't feel right.

And with a church that was telling you that those thoughts that were in your head were evil and that you were going to go to hell, as you were not honoring your family or god. And you hope that these thoughts would go away and you prayed for help to a unlistening god.

You finally got the courage to say this is wrong to everyone. I realize that you are not just hurting yourself but all those around you. And you gain the COURAGE to say ENOUGH! Bravo!

So now your wife and daughter are hurt. But who are they hurt for themselves or their father? Sounds very selfish to me. Oh course they are hurt and confused but what happen to compassion, understanding and acceptance? Gee, isn't this what we ask from our own GAY COMMUNITY? We should be supporting his decision, not making it worse.

So following your logic for all those married families with children you would have to stay married for the sake of the children, does that really make sense?

And you make fun of him for going to the gym to better himself? What should he do just grow old and fat because he is not worthy of love. Are you serious Micheal? How many of us when we broke up with someone went back to the gym, yet it is wrong because he is older? I am surprised at you.

The gay community is about love, acceptance and understanding. This is not a light switch that you can turn off and on because someone is older and not worthy of our love. When did we start determining when it is right or wrong to come out? Are we to ask him to hid in the closet just like the church would like us to do?

He made a mistake and had the courage to do something about it. He didn't stop loving his daughter or his wife (unlike they did to him) he just knew made a mistake. Well i am not perfect either. Sir, you are welcome into our community. We love you, we care about you and we ACCEPT YOU! Michael, to me that is what it is to be OUT and PROUD. No More Closets!

P.S.--How is your mom, is she still getting treatments. Yes, Michael we care about you and your mother. Best Wishes-------------Dawson

"He made a mistake and had the courage to do something about it. He didn't stop loving his daughter or his wife (unlike they did to him) he just knew made a mistake."

Now, do you really think that a 30 year marriage is a "mistake"? He didn't realize until after 30 fucking years that he's gay. He ruined this woman's (his ex) life. She could've married someone who would truly be in love with her. But instead, this selfish asshole not only married a woman (by mistake, as you say - oops!), but failed to rectify this "mistake" until his poor wife was already middle-aged and much less likely to find that "one true love." He doesn't deserve his wife or daughter's compassion, understanding, whatever. If he's lucky, he'll get their forgiveness.

There's another factor here, I think: that some men who latterly question their sexualities confuse homosexuality with a big ol' 'missed train', period. That is to say, being gay is more seen as just being FREE - an opportunity to indulge yourself, with no real obligations. If a man starts wondering if he can enjoy sex with another man - and how many can't, once the initial hurdles are overcome? - it's not much of a leap to see the perceived lifestyle as the nirvana that got away.

In today's culture, gayness can easily become a better rationale for the burdened, married dude's midlife crisis. Honey, I'm not a pathetic fool leaving you for a young blonde chick; I've been living a lie, see, and I must make it right.

Just a thought. Not a bad one, either, given the hour, eh?

Oh yeah...late 50's...you're life as a Gay man is over! Give up, why try...nothing good can ever happen. Sounds like a Porn perspective to me.