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October 19, 2005
Lucas on Film
Snap! Snap! HATED IT!
I've seen a few movies, and now I'm gonna talk about them. You ready? Ok, here goes:
First up, a dreadful little flick,Before the Fall, originally called Napola, which was the name for fascist German prep schools in the Nazi era. The picture is set in Berlin in 1942, but filmed in Prague, as if this Russian couldn’t tell the difference. There is such a disconnect here between the historical realities of Nazi Germany in ’42 and the reigning attitudes depicted that you could almost believe that Hitler single-handedly and personally shoved all his victims into the ovens. Then you’ve got the two protagonists, Friedrich and Albrecht. Never mind that their names make you wonder if they’re characters from Wagner’s Ring. Co-students at a Napola, together they experience a tender wiener awakening that brings them to the brink of realizing that all the goose-stepping around them is for the birds. I was especially disgusted by the scene where a Nazi chaperon takes what he considers to be Friedrich’s vital statistics and proudly announces he is “Nordic, Class B.” The thought of one human being sizing another up solely according to his physical attributes sickens me to the core of my porn director soul.
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Then you’ve got Garçon Stupide, which might be one of the greatest gay-themed feature movies ever filmed in Lausanne, Switzerland. I’ll grant you, the film’s marketers pulled a clever stunt on New York homodom. Weeks before the movie premiered, they took out ads in the escort pages of Next and HX magazines. A photo showed an extremely white youth with evident gay appeal on a black background and the legend “Loic; New Guy in Town” together with a phone number. Calling the number, one heard a voice saying “For a good time, come to such and such a theater between such and such dates, et cetera.” The stupid boy of the film’s title, Loic, works in a chocolate factory by day then tricks all night and finally crashes in the apartment of his fag hag Marie, beautifully acted by Natacha Koutchounov. He becomes obsessed with photographing Prince Albert piercings using his cell-phone camera. During a hook-up Loic has with two other guys, you see the screen divided and while they go at it, machines are shown pounding away on the other side. I for one got the message loud and queer; machines need sex too.
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Loggerheads is a movie from Tim Kirkman, the same good fellow who gave us “The Night Larry Kramer Kissed Me,” not to be confused with “The Nightmare on Elm Street.” This film has a pretentious narrative technique, jumping around in time and place as if the ideal viewer were somebody on a bad LSD trip. With hindsight, any idiot can figure out what’s going on, but I really feel that Kirkman causes viewers unnecessary confusion during the film. It’s like he wanted to put some Goddard spice in, but wound up pissing in the avant-garde soup. In any event, the main gay character, Marc, was given up for adoption by his mother Grace when an infant. Raised by a strict, North Carolina minister and his submissive wife, he is discovered kissing a boy as a teen and promptly screamed at about how he will burn in hell for eternity. He runs away, eventually winding up on Kure Beach, North Carolina, where loggerhead turtles breed. Those turtles’ mothers lay their eggs in the sand then re-enter the sea, never to return. Do you get it? Marc is like a loggerhead turtle, and not just because he has no real mother. He’s also about as dumb as a turtle; HIV positive, he refuses to seek out the treatment that would save his life. A better name for this picture would have been “Dumbass.” In this day and age, what kind of person isn’t going to rescue himself from death by taking a few pills? The blockhead runaway is befriended by George, a local innkeeper. The man was depressed over having lost a boyfriend to a drowning accident, and now the supposed hero of the movie doesn’t even have the decency to stay alive for this guy who takes him in and loves him. Ugh, end it now!
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Before the Fall, Garçon Stupide, and even Loggerheads all have their worthy moments. But they inspired my to propose a little challenge. Try to stay awake watching one of the above-mentioned gay-themed features, and then try to fall asleep watching any movie at all from my Lucas Entertainment collection . . .
Anyone who dares this feat will be declared INDEFATIGABLE. Just wanted to use that word really.
Posted by Michael at October 19, 2005 04:37 PM
Comments
I actually like this idea of you writing a movie review column. You certainly bring an alternative perspective to the reviewing of these films. I have seen none of the three, but thanks for the reviews. I will save my money and order Fire Island 7 instead. That's a film I know I will enjoy.
I suppose the appeal of this idea for a column will be rather limited, but I hope one day you write at least one column containing your opinions of the operas you have seen lately. I know you go to the Met, I have seen you there and at Carnegie a couple of times, so I am curious if you saw Manon at the Met, or Cecelia Bartoli's magnificent recital tonight at Carnegie Hall.
Posted by: Richard at October 20, 2005 12:53 AM
You didn't think much of "Before the Fall", "Garçon Stupide" and "Loggerheads", but give "Capote" a viewing!
Posted by: Dale Hopson at October 20, 2005 09:26 AM
Michael you should make an actual non-porn movie. Make it a spoof on the porn industry, something like "Get Shorty", only call this "Get A Chubby". Johnny Depp can play you. A city bus can play Chi Chi, the washed up director begging for work. Robert Downy Jr can play Mark Dalton because they have a lot in common. You'd have to put my character in the movie, the porn fan, and have me played by Colin Farrel, but only if he'll give us another "junk shot" like he did in Alexander, the Directors Cut.
Just a thought.
Mike
Posted by: Mike at October 20, 2005 12:21 PM
I was especially disgusted by the scene where a Nazi chaperon takes what he considers to be Friedrich’s vital statistics and proudly announces he is “Nordic, Class B.” The thought of one human being sizing another up solely according to his physical attributes sickens me to the core of my porn director soul.
It should sicken you, Michael--because it happened. I haven't seen the movie in question, so I can't comment on its historical accuracy (or lack thereof), but I can absolutely assure you that physical attributes were definitely a consideration in categorizing people under the Nazi regime.
Posted by: Michael at October 20, 2005 03:00 PM
Hey Richard, you who made the comment above about seeing Michael at The Metropolitan Opera and Carnegie Hall; are you a classical music stalker? Are you planning to sneak up on Michael at a concert and play the skin flute?
I happened to be at the Met one evening this fall, attending a performance of "Manon." Michael Lucas was two rows up from me and I got so excited that Manon could have sung "Adieu, Notre Petite Table" in f-sharp minor and I wouldn't have known the difference.
Not knowing how else to break the ice with Michael, I approached him during an intermission and after saying that I love the way he fucks the shit out of that hot little girl in "Straight to Prague," asked him what he thinks of the libretto to "Manon." Michael said that he thinks Henri Mailhac and Philippe Gille made a travesty of the Abbe de Prevost's original "Manon Lescaut" but that the finer moment's in the score redeem it from being utter kitsch. So what I learned is that Michael Lucas may not be well-rounded in his stomach but he makes up for it in his intellectual life.
As for Cecilia Bartoli, she makes such funny faces when she sings. Do you remember when she got arrested for mugging at the Met?
Posted by: Scott Rose at October 20, 2005 07:06 PM
Michael,
A couple of weeks ago, Loggerheads was reviewed on Ebert and Roeper. Ebert gave it a thumbs up. Roeper gave it a thumbs down.
Just wanted to let you know....
Chocras
Posted by: Chocras at November 6, 2005 07:05 PM