« The Meaning of Obscene | Main | Auditions 5 Party in NYC! »
October 13, 2005
All Hail The Queen!
Because I am Russian to my (rather hard) core I can not resist commenting on the controversy in my homeland over what to do with Lenin’s corpse. That and corpses are spooky and Halloween is near, right?
When the communists were at the height of their power, they paid unemployed people to stand on line to see the embalmed dead body of Vladimir Ilich Ulianov "Life of the Communist Party" Lenin. The idea was to show decadent Westerners, who were busy with their day jobs, how a society organized around maximized efficiency for the good of all could work.
Communism came and went like an unwashed hooker but Lenin’s body remained in its Mausoleum. For more info about the Mausoleum, you can go here: http://www.aha.ru/~mausoleu/ The site includes an unattributed quote “I would learn Russian if only because Lenin spoke it.” In my humble opinion, I submit that a much better reason to learn Russian is to have a fun chat with me in my native tongue. You wouldn't believe the fun things that can be said in my language.
Gorby, the last of the leaders of the Soviet Union, has been chiming in about what should happen to Lenin’s cadaver. He says the nation is not ready for the body to be buried. He makes as if, from St. Petersburg to the Kamchatka Peninsula, the average Russian really gave a burnt blini what anybody does with the material remains of Lenin at this point.
All part of the fun, of course, is that historians and other creatures can't decide what to think about Lenin’s activities when he was alive. Some perceive him as the mastermind of a glorious social experiment. Valerya Novodvorskaya, who heads the Democratic Union, says: “One cannot talk about any kind of democracy or civilization in Russia when Lenin is still in the country’s main square. I would not care even if he were thrown on a garbage heap.” Will Valerya get a chocolate cream pie thrown in her face in protest by a member of the Garbage Liberation Group? That would give her a little taste of Anna Wintour-style glamour . . .
Love him or hate him, Lenin was a big deal. Even embalmed, he should have a regularly-changing wardrobe. The man did decriminalize homosexuality, a move Stalin later rescinded. In recognition of his service to gays in Russia, I’d like to see Lenin in a different set of clothes every day. One afternoon he could sport a vintage Halston evening gown and be spritzed with a Halston fragrance, the next an Emilio Pucci Nenuphar red printed silk chiffon gaufré dress and black and gold sandals. At least that way, if the Russian people ever rise up and demand the return of the monarchy, their Queen will be right there waiting to lead them.
Posted by Michael at October 13, 2005 01:23 PM
Comments
I wish I could speak Russian. I'd love to be able to have a hot conversation with Michael's tongue. Whoops, I mean in Michael's native tongue!!
Posted by: Donald in Toronto at October 13, 2005 08:21 PM
You know darling, you have a point. When I saw creepy Mr Stalin in 1997, he looked almost like one of those giant frosted American sheet cakes. I sort of imagined I could just take my pinky and swipe off a fingerful of Stalin frosting. But seriously, one of history's most infamous mass murderers really ought to be thrown on a dung heap. Ah, but old Joe would look great in a Halston gown...you are so right, as usual.
Posted by: fresh at October 13, 2005 09:57 PM
The unattributed quote you are referring to is by the great Vladimir Mayakovskiy. The full quatrain goes like this (transliterated from Russian):
Da bud' ya i negrom preklonnyh godov,
I to bez ulybki i leni,
Ya russkiy by vyuchil tol'ko za to,
Chto im razgovarival Lenin.
Which roughly translates to:
Even if I were an old black man,
I would, without laughing or slacking off,
Learn Russian just because
Lenin spoke it.
I do believe Mayakovskiy was just screwing around when he wrote that -- he did a whole lot of that.
Posted by: Al Ra at October 14, 2005 05:17 AM
Wish I could speak Russian too. I'm part Russian ethnically and wanted to take it at the university.. but the lack of native speakers here in Hawai'i changed my mind.. after all, it wouldn't be very easy to pick up the language if I have no one to talk to :)
Posted by: Jonah at October 16, 2005 06:24 PM