michael:

maybe the idiot meant this (but could not express it properly): GAY used to stand for inclusiveness. i am not defending him, but i know i have felt this way in the past. we are all gay; men, women, bi, tri, trans... but in our need to label, subcategorize and niche ourselves to death, now we all have to refer to the community as LGBT (a mouthful) so that we can be sure everyone is included. well, we used to all be included in the same damn category: gay. so now "gay" is for men only and women are lesbians exclusively. it just seemed simpler once upon a time; my first memory of this was when the female doctor came out of the closet on "St. Elsewhere" in the 1980s, she referred to herself as gay. but, as my sister is a lesbian, i know they have felt neglected by the gay movement over the years and thus wouldn't stand to be lumped in the same category as the rest of us.

on a personal note, i do think it's humorous that when lesbians are in charge of an organization, they always put themselves first; i.e., LGBT Community Center and not the GLBT Community Center. can't say that i blame them.

my two cents, for what they're worth.

WTF??? First, Jai is too womanly and now drag queens are awesome? I like your frankness Michael but come one, don't you think it's alittle hypocritical to bash Jai for being too feminine and then turn around and complain that the gay community doesn't accept ALL types of queerness? Stick out your hand (or whatever else), you deserve a lashing!

it's not a question of laziness. That's just a weak argument.
Recognizing every subgroup in a title IS too long.
soon people will be belly aching for the word "questiong" to be included. And most African-Americans do not ascribe to the word "gay." Don't even ask about the word "Queer." Many black people prefer "Same-gender loving" or even the more cryptic phrase "In the life." you can't make everyone happy. perhaps the best shorthand way to solve the problem is to call it the Pride Center! But LGBT is clumsy for a title. And gay is a totally suitable catch-all.

Off-topic, but where's that photo from? :-)

well... i admit, i've always been a bit nervous around transgendered people around here - but mebbe if u were living in India, and saw the sheer forceful harassment dat many of them do here, u'd feel de same. The 'hijra' community, as they're known here, do a lot of harassment to businessmen and families to extort money. dat said, a few rotten apples cant spoil a whole orchard, and i agree that everyone is entitled to their rights!

BRAVO!

I have endured way too many dinner conversations in LA of the same kind! I am so tired of gay men wanting to be just like our straight neighbors.....only gay. We can't be like our straight neighbors BECAUSE we are gay! And who the hell wants to be? If adopting asian babies and having neighborhood potlucks at your house is what you want to do then fine.....just don't expect me to join. And if you think your neighbors aren't secretly giggling at you a bit for it then you are wrong. Drag Queens and openly gay, prissy men were the first ones to take the heat for all of us while you can pretend to be "straight acting". After all the gym memberships, the therapist bills, the plastic surgery, the invites to all the "A" list parties and mounds of coke we pretend we don't consume, it still boils down to the fact that so many of us out there just do not like ourselves. And all the money and muscles are not gonna change the fact that some swishy, size 2, ethnic, drag queen has bigger balls then most of us.

Interesting that you are so accepting of drag queens but so down on poor little mixed-up Jai. How many steps is Jai from being a Drag Queen anyway? Oh, well. I am not criticizing, just curious. I still love your hot little self!

Michael, do your homework. Transgendered is not the same as transexual. Statistically, most men who undertake sexual reassignment (become trangendered) identify as heterosexual. So it is incorrect to say: "...Whether you wear a wig, stuff your bra, cut your dick off, or just tuck it in, you’re still a gay man, still have to overcome major challenges." They are most often straight men who become women. That said I could care less whether TVs and TGs are included along the L and G.

I'm sorry to say it,but I do indeed agree that drag queens are an embarrassment to the gay community.I have been to pride in Toronto several times and it seems that all the media covers is the worst aspect of the gay world.Gay men have to fight so hard to be thought of as "normal human beings" because of that behavior.It's one thing to dress and act like a woman (I have been introduced to women several times and had no idea they were men)but I just don't understand the "drag queen" thing.Am I perfect?Hell no.I can be a total screaming queen at times but generally not in public and not where I would look like a total fool.Living in Bermuda,where it was illegal to be homosexual until only a few years ago(and you can still be fired,lose your apt. etc. and are still thought of as immoral by most laws simply for being a homosexual)this is exactly the example the religious hypocritical lawmakers throw out every time we TRY to be considered equal citizens."Give them the same rights as the rest of us and they'll be walking down the main street of town holding hands wearing high heels and mini skirts"Uh.....yah,I'd love to hold hands without the looks of disgust,but you can keep the heels and skirts,thanks.

I absolutely agree with you Michael. I have found the LGBT community to actually be more racist and intolerant, on the average, than straight people. One of the reasons why I support Lucas Entertainment over other studios is because your company allows queer black and latino men to be seen as being just as sexually viable as white queer men, and you don't exoticize queer men of color. It is a shame that some members of the community want to silence those who are transgendered, as well as, the drag queens, simply to appear more "straight-acting" so that corporate America and the media will accept us. For a community of people who has experienced homophobia I find it very sad that certain individuals within said community are transphobic, drag-phobic and not to mention lesbian-phobic. Until we stop self-hating and trying to exclude certain members in the queer spectrum, we will never really gain legitimacy for ourselves, not to mention self-respect. SILENCE=DEATH.

Here, here, Michael! While LGBT(plus I, if you really want to be inclusive) is a mouthful, and I admit to often just using "gay" for shorthand, that doesn't make any of the letter-categories less a member of what so many so hypocritically call our "community."

We're only human (meaning we're mean, spiteful, and hierarchical), but we really should know better than to fight amongst ourselves. And we're not even getting into the racism, ageism, classism, and cliqueism that's endemic to gay culture. We spend far too much time squabbling, looking down upon each other, and disassociating ourselves from groups we don't like. If we channeled half that energy into other things, we'd be getting married in Tennessee as we speak!

As a gay man, it has always puzzled me that we rightfully rally against intolerance shown to us by right-wing politicians, the organizers of the St. Patrick's Day Parade, the Catholic Church, etc. we still derive enormous pleasure and satisfaction in dismissing drag queens, the transgender community,.....and those who come across as "too gay."

So while I applaud your spot-on column about Hidden Hate in the gay world, my eye keeps wandering down to your column regarding Jai, (which by the way sparked lengthy threads on numerous gay websites today).

I realize I even submitted a comment agreeing with your funny and accurate Jai story, but Michael, don't you think there exists a certain inconsistency and some major contradictions between the 2 posts?

There appears to be some inconsistency and contradictions between this post (Hidden Hate) and the previous post (Jai in the Sky).

I agree with Chester, transgender and transexual are two completely different things. Very simply, transgender believe they have born in the wrong body, whilst transexuals just like wearing womens clothes. Many transgender/transexuals identify themselves as straight. It has puzzled me why they are lumped in with the Gay and Lesbian community when their issues regarding sexual identity are very different.

Michael, what is all this talk of you suing Owen Hawk's production company? I'm surprised I haven't read anything from you about this....

Being transgendered does not mean being gay. You are upset that your friend would suggest that transgendered individuals should not be put in the same category as gays, lesbians and bisexual people. Well, a lot of transgendered people agree with your friend! Many of them do not want to be put into the GLBT category, because many of them are not gay.

Just try to step back and respect everyone's right to an opinion. Drag queens and leather daddies make some gay people uncomfortable. That's fine. Just laugh and take comfort in the fact that you're secure enough accept everyone. That alone should stop you from getting so worked up.

Wow, I just submitted a comment about this entry, but then I read the entry about Jai. Um, some MAJOR hypocrisy going on here. Like, were these two posts written by two different people? You take pride in the fact that you "accept" drag queens and that you "accept" transgendered people (even though not all of them identify as gay) and that you "accept" male escorts, but then you go and openly criticize Jai for not being butch enough?

Ha ha, it's not a big deal, but come on, you can't have it both ways, dude.

I think that the name should stay, I agree with you if we can't accept outselves how can we expect others to accept us? I love all the shades of gay that make up this community of ours. I may not agree with them, but I accept them. They are just being true to themselves and you can't fault someone for that.

Get into the 21st Century already! Drag queens are like clowns that need their own rodeo. When was the last time you heard a rodeo cowboy say, "hey, I'm just like the Rodeo clown. I enjoy walking around with a big red nose, goofy lipstick and fire engine red size 35 Goofy shoes."

Puh-lease. Many of us gay men hate it when we're stereotyped and lumped together with the more "colorful" members of the gay community. I am glad you have some friends that are honest enough to express their true feelings.

Good for you to have an opinion, but don't dismiss those around you as if we're somehow letting everyone else in the gay community down. If it wasn't for our diversity of opinions, we'd all be in bath houses having anonymous bareback sex with supposedly "straight" men. Get a grip.

I basically agree 100% with what you said, Michael, but also think you should leave poor little Jai alone, too. What bugs the crap out of me, however, is the fact that BY AND LARGE, gay men are represented on TV by the likes of Beau on Big Brother 6. That said, I don't have a problem with effeminate gay guys (heck, I can do a passable Dame Edna around the campfire after a joint or two), but why the hell are there not more Gus Mattox type guys front and centre in the media?

Paka, bello.
(And keep up your fucking incredible work.)

I have absolutely nothing against transgendered people, but you've decided to group gay people with them. Gay and transgendered people share some issues growing up etc, but not all. They are not inherently part of the same grouping.

Muslims sometimes get persecuted too. Muslims as innocent as you or I, but I don't see you grouping them in too, as persecuted people, infact quite the opposite. There are bad apples in all groups of people, and if you're going to insult these men for their bigoted beliefs try look closer to home first.

I love reading this blog, really I do, but I have to agree with everyone that has pointed out the hypocrisy here. Your argument that Jai needs to be more of a "man" is NO different than their argument that drag queens need to take off their make up. If we are going to be accepting and inclusive, we should REALLY be accepting and inclusive, and not subjectively so.

okay i think its very rude and presumptious of you to assume bisexuals are closeted. yes some bi's say they are bi to hide they are gay but please dontt stereotype. i like cock and i like tits! my own sexual attractions. many say ureally like it up the ass but only u know urself, like me i know who i am. and i dunno who thinks most african americans choose rthose names cause i dont. i dont even like labels anymore, not because we dont need them, but because people have made a mockery of it. so many "straight" guys have sex but dont identify as gay. so many people's sex changes are so convincing we could never know what they really are. so rather than say im bisexual, i rather say i like men and women, so you know EXACTLY what i mean! im a person not a label.

Re: Drag queens led the revolt at Stonewall. In David Carter's definitive history of the riots "Stonewall: The Riots That Sparked the Gay Revolution" he attributes street hustlers with the major role in instigating the initial revolt, with drag queens playing a secondary (but significant) role. Also, according to Carter, it was the violent resistance of a "bull dyke" that really got the riot started when she refused to go quietly into the police van. Last, and mostly as observers in the crowd, were the butch, straight-acting queers. The major political, legal, and philosophical actors in the "Gay Revolution" however were suit-wearing, straight looking, serious and deep pocketed queers. They were the actors who pushed the Gay Issue into public consciousness. Their efforts resulted in the legal victories that made the "revolution" succeed. Historically it truly required "The Village" to get the revolution out of the ditch and onto the road. It's OK to bitch fight among ourselves, but Girls, can't we present a united front? We've still got a long way to go.

hello all, a trans girl here. you mention of trans people was limited but important because it is hard to see why trans people would not be included in such group as gay and les and so forth. As a trans person I came out as gay at 13, then trans at 18 so i feel that gives me the right to be included with my people because all is what has made me as a person. In end not as a trans girl who is a man, or a gay man, or part of the LGBT abb. But as the hot little thing that gets off more on your porn or all gay porn in general then most men who visit this site, it must be my youth thanks boys c.

can someone please tell me the names of the two beauties in the pic that is featured with this article?