Lucas Blog: What’s Lube Got To Do With It?

June 10, 2005

What’s Lube Got To Do With It?

So many lubes, so little time. Amazing. I went to my corner deli the other day and was baffled by how many different kinds of lubes it offered. Right there next to the Tylenol and Marlboro Lights, was a shelf full of at least 20 different lubricants. To see this extravagance of sticky stuff in a sex shop is one thing, but in a dingy, badly-lit deli on Eighth Ave? You’ve got to ask yourself just how picky are these Chelsea queens that a Pakistani deli owner would go to the extreme of ordering all those lubes?

I look at the different bottles and can’t help but laugh. The names alone are hysterical. There’s “Sensual Power,” and “Eros Bodyglide” and O’My (the flavored kind), and my personal favorite (who thought of this one?) Boy Butter Lube, is this for real? What, am I getting ready to fuck or make an omelette?

If you ask me it’s all just a ploy to get you to spend big money on something that, let’s be honest, isn’t like it’s going on your face or anything (well, it might…but that’s a whole other topic).

All jokes aside, there are a few things to look out for when buying lube. Once you strip away the nice packaging and the sleekly designed bottles, there are really only a few basic variations on lube formulas.

Water-based lubricants are the most common ones, they’re the healthiest for your body, and don’t ruin your condom which is very important.

Oil-based lubes (like Boy Butter) are fun, but are both hard on your body and the condom, so it should ONLY be used for a good long hand job.

And then of course there’s the Silicone-based lube, which is both safe and utterly pleasurable (you practically have to hold the bed posts not to fall in) the only problem is, you might as well throw the sheet out with the used condom, because no matter how many times you wash them, your bed always looks like, well, it belongs to the slut that you are.

And remember whichever lube you choose, always, always put on that condom, especially when fucking strangers.

I’m probably not the best person to talk about lube (I spend more time picking the right toilet paper brand) so if you have a strong opinion on this, would love to hear it. For me lube should be cheap and slippery, otherwise it’s just old fashion spit.

Love,

Michael

P.S.
My friend Lady Bunny always says that the best natural water based lubricant is diarrhea!

Posted by Michael at June 10, 2005 02:36 PM

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Comments

I like the silicone-based lubes, but alas, like Michael says, the bedsheets get stained. But hey, those stains can bring back memories of a great fuck!!!

Posted by: Donald at June 10, 2005 03:27 PM

when you're horny, lube don't matter - spit is always the best - and then there are those situations when you improvise with whatever you find in the bathroom - anything from shaving cream & lotions & shampoo (good ideas) to toothpaste (BAD BAD BAD idea !!!).

Posted by: stalker at June 10, 2005 06:07 PM

Great advice... it's always a chore sorting out lubes... and the whole "aftermath" situation, namely the sheets... ;p

Posted by: Paul at June 12, 2005 09:11 AM

Ahhhhhh, Luuuuuubes! Thank you.

Posted by: lotionman at June 12, 2005 11:32 PM

I definately need new sheets ... no more of those damn expensive ones either ..off to Kmart and the Martha Stewart collection from now on ... When your as big as me extra lube is always required and boy it sure makes a mess ...

Posted by: Chad Hunt at June 16, 2005 02:41 AM

Hi michael this is john and im 32 year old from redondo beach, california and im deaf and im the fan for you when i saw you in the porn video and it was wonderful and great sex and hot gay male body. I wish to join as a porn star but i cannot due to communication problem and my body is not good shape anyway and email me for information and more question. thanks michael!

Posted by: John Versoza at June 16, 2005 10:45 PM

Lub the eight wonder!
Me and my close friend were drinking in his apartment after watching Apartments. I was telling him that I enjoyed being fucked once in a while and still have not found that "fuck experience to remember". We are so close friends that he actually told me that he will give me the one I was waitting for. Luckily I douched! he ate my ass like there is no tomorrow and when my ass was ready for his uncut dick he put some VICK's VAPOR RUB (the one you use when you have a congested chest) up my ass and the experience was INCREDIBLE! it felt cold, warm, and hot it was the best fuck ever. Now I use it with my dildo when I am alone and meed some right away.

Posted by: Renato at June 18, 2005 02:16 PM

i've been dreaming of seing myself one time in a porn movie,i'm just a regular but cute asian guy,slim and toned body,i wander what is the requirements to be in a porn? do you really need to be a hot,goodlooking guy?wish my question get answer cos i really want to be a porn star.

Posted by: gary at June 25, 2005 01:28 PM