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May 17, 2005

Michael Lucas Uncensored: Masculine Hygiene

It happens to the best of us: at one point or another, we’ve all been painted brown. Oh yes, I’m talking shit today, baby!

I’ve been there. You’ve been there. We’ve all been there (either as a top or a bottom). All of a sudden, what was a hot fuck turns into a smelly embarrassment. Your nose starts to wrinkle and it hits you—first the smell, then the utter humiliation.

You know that pulling out now could be disastrous. What do you do? Do you acknowledge the fact that your dick is covered with shit? Do you say something? Or do you continue to fuck, ignoring the big brown elephant that’s just squatted in the middle of the room? (Some of you might actually find this sort of stuff exciting, but that’s a whole other blog topic).

I often wonder why we, as gay men, don’t douche more often? In fact so many actors who work in my movies have never even heard of it. How can it be that a porn model doesn’t know how to douche? I often find myself explaining the process to people who should be well versed in the art of cleansing. More importantly, I think it’s just bad etiquette to say: “fuck me!” and not be ready for it. How many times have you heard this: “Oops, so sorry.” Sorry my ass! Learn how to douche!

It’s a known fact that before leaving the house on your way to the club or a bar you should stick that hose or enema up your butt (a few times) and take out the trash. But it seems that here, in New York City, the gay capital of the world, a douche is as rare as a perfect diamond.

It’s puzzling to me. We can spend hours shopping for a fucking towel rack at Bed Bath & Beyond, but can't bother with a simple hose that can cleanse you from the inside, like a Sunday morning confession.

No one likes to talk about shit, especially in this country, It’s quite the dirty taboo, but I think it’s time we started discussing it openly.

There’s a solution out there, and we should encourage the younger generation to stop doing drugs and start douching. Although not 100% fool proof, it is the best-known way to make fucking a cleaner and more enjoyable experience.

Here’s how it works:

Posted by Michael at May 17, 2005 05:32 PM

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